all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dignity is for republicans.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
