i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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