we have pet lesbian snakes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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