look no pants
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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