He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
