and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
