If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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