Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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