Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
