i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
