is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
