this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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