i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize