dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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