I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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