how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
