my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
