In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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