My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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