Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
