Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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