No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
