last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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