i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
