CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
