Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
