Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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