Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
how drunk are you?
Several
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
