I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
