mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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