I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
