ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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