if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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