"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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