I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
