Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
