What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
