Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
