hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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