I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
