i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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