apparently the secret to your success is patron
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
