He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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