census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
