nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
