I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
