I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
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My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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