I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
