Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
