I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My dick has a subreddit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
