she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
