We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
