I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
