Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize