Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
