North Korea, Best Korea!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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