my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
