apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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