This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
