I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All the doctor said was why
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
