I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
