Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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