take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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