I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
false alarm, still single
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