Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
