It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
