i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
