Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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