Four minutes until I can fart!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
