I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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