just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
