I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
